Monday, May 19, 2008

Countdown continues...

I'm leaving for San Jose, Costa Rica in 5 days! I can't believe it. I'm stressing out and have thoughts of not going. I know that sounds totally crazy but there are personal things happening in my life that cause me to want to stay. However, I think I need this trip more than anything else I've ever needed in my life. It will be so hard to leave but I know I need to. There's nothing really bad happening, so don't worry, it's just a few things that I think I might benefit from leaving. Sometimes we need space and time to clarify and ponder what we are going to do with our lives and this is that time for me.

When I return I know I will be teaching 8th grade Civics and I will need to buy a car (yikes...that's going to be expensive) but there are always things we have to figure out in life. It's too bad all the answers aren't laid out for us. Sometimes I wonder if I would like having my decisions told to me, rather than me deciding. That way, I won't have to worry if I'm choosing the right thing or not. The future is always a mystery and that's exciting but it's scary too. I'm a major planner and like to have things laid out for me. When they aren't I get completely stressed I am right now. It makes me want to scream...AHHH!! Haha, I just want to know what's going to happen. Only time will tell. Patience has never been one of my gifts, so fortunately for me, I get to go on vacation to wait this one out. I know my trip will be fun but I'm a little scared about what I will come back to. I'm sure this probably makes no sense to anyone who reads this, because I'm extremely vague. However, I am looking forward to my trip but what I'm leaving behind and what I come back to is a little scary. At least I know I have a teaching job, so really, all is well.

Lastly, this trip is my time to let go and not stressed about the unplanned. I know I'll be studying spanish at an academy but my weekends are left to me to travel and explore where ever I want to go. I'm just going to go with the flow and I'll discover the many beautiful places Costa Rica has to offer...for that, I'm super excited!!

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